A new week...

I guess it seems funny that I would be writing about a new week on a Wednesday night/Thursday morning, doesn't it? To be honest, this is the first chance I've really had to breathe all week. It's been kind of crazy.

For starters, I'm taking an individual study class this semester to do some background stuff for my thesis. And, I was allowed pretty much free rein on which books to read. I had to come up with a bibliography and a schedule on my own. So, I did...and I assigned myself approximately one 400+ page book every week on which I have to write a short 2-5 page book review, as well as take copious notes as to how the book will help me in my own research. In short, I am horribly mean professor...even to myself.

The second of my classes this semester is a seminar, which means I must come up with a reasonably sized topic and research the hell out of it. Well, I did. But, as I may have mentioned before, it had nothing to do with my thesis topic, so the professor talked me into "killing two birds with one stone" type of thing. To this end on Monday, I went to the Resource Center of Dallas to dig into my research. They have a tremendous amount of documents and just great stuff in an "archive" there. I used quotes for the term "archive" because none of the stuff has actually been "archived" yet, so for the moment.....they pretty much have giant piles of crap. Valuable crap, but crap nonetheless. Great, so...in order to research my new topic, I have to become an archivist, as well.

The third class that I'm taking is another "reading class". That, basically, means a book a week with a book review and then a 15+ page historiography at the end. Except that this guy wants a 5 page preliminary historiography in a week or so to be able to help us out and give guidance before it gets too late. On the one hand, great idea and I'm all for it. On the other hand....GAH! I guess the good news about this class is that the books are all around 200-250 pages, not 400+. Of course, they aren't all about topics that I care about, so that makes it challenging.

On top of that, we have the TA gigs. Right this very minute, I have 50 blue books sitting on my kitchen table waiting for me to grade them. I've looked at them...they aren't good, this won't be fun. I need to have them graded by Friday...and I'm just severely unmotivated. Besides, I have had a lot of other stuff to do.

And my two nights in the Help Center, where I used to be able to get some work done? Well, the boys have gotten a little chatty this semester. I can't shut them the hell up to save my life. On the plus (?) side, I guess I learn new things. Like Tuesday night, for example: I learned the evolution of the airplane from about 1929 through WWII--with pictures included. Oh, and this dude, Kittinger, who parachuted from a balloon at 102,000 feet? He was in freefall for 4 1/2 minutes before pulling his chute, going at speeds up to 614 mph. Insane! And all the while, all I wanted to do was write a stupid paper.

This morning, I took my roommate to the airport at the asscrack of dawn. Seriously, we left the house at 6am. His flight was at 8:20. I know, I know...that's insanely early. But, he's a nervous traveler, so I just go along with whatever time he wants to go. I still have to go inside the terminal with him, too...just in case there's something that needs calm and clear thinking. I've learned to accept him for all his idiosyncracies. And he's gone for a couple of days, which would be great if we didn't have a whiny, clingy, needy cat. See, the cat likes Dave a lot, so she leaves me alone a lot. When he's not here...GAH!

So...THAT, all of that, is why I am just now writing a post that says it's a new week. I feel like this is the first opportunity that I've had to look at the week. I need a nap.

Janet Louise “Lou” Gibson

Today would have been my sister's 55th birthday. When my oldest sister turned 40, Lou sent me money to put a photo of Martha in the paper. Being who and what I am, I chose a particularly flattering shot of Martha at about age 3 in the middle of a sneeze. It was hilarious. Or at least Lou and I thought so. Let's be honest, so did everyone else, with the possible exception of the birthday girl. Martha huffed and puffed and promised to get us back. "You just wait until you two turn 40. I'll put a picture of you in the paper and see how you like it."

Lou never turned 40. She missed it by fifteen months. Since then, I've turned 30 and then 40, but nothing happened. The joy had left our family. I liked to think that I kept our family together....since I got along with everyone, including Dee and Greg. The reality, though, was that Janet was our glue. Maybe we didn't all have the same opinion about her, but we all had strong feelings about her, either way. She was the fun one, the one who danced like no one was watching, even when she knew that someone was. I just miss her so damn much.

Especially this year...when we could have put a picture in the paper and wished her a happy 55th. And, because it's been kind of a tough year for me. And I would have liked my big sister around to hang out with, see movies with, plan crazy pranks with.... someone to just talk to. Someone I don't have to be "on" with.

Happy Birthday, Lou! I miss you.

Happy Birthday, Abraham Lincoln

So, I thought for a while about which movie I would use to facilitate a discussion about Abe Lincoln. My first thought was "Amistad" but I vetoed it for two reasons: A) that was the last movie I went to see with Maria and, honestly, that is all I can think about as far as that movie is concerned, and 2) Abraham Lincoln didn't really care about freeing the slaves. I guess that's what gets me about his legacy as President. He's the "Great Emancipator" but he was on record as saying: "If I can save the Union without freeing a single slave, I'd do it." Not that he was a bad guy, he was a product of his time. Sorry for that geeky interlude.

My next possible choice was something like "National Treasure 2" because the whole movie begins with the conspiracy to assassinate Lincoln. But that movie just pisses me off. I mean...even if I didn't study history, that timeline would make my head explode.

"Gettysburg" or "Gods and Generals"? No, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but Lincoln didn't actually fight at Gettysburg, just gave a reallly super short speech well after the fact.

I guess that leaves me with just the memories of his house in Springfield, his law offices, the Old Capitol Building that has stovepipe hats lying all over the place.
I don't know how many of those things he owned, but there was one on his desk and one hanging in his living room
...the man left them all over. Okay, probably not, but that's the way they make it sound when you're there. And...he was a big shot lawyer in Springfield, which we know because he had a three-hole outhouse. I have photos. Hey! I should put some of them on here, huh?

Anyhow, it's Abe Lincoln's birthday--a holiday for students in Illinois. We never celebrated stupid "President's Day"...we honored the one that counted. Wonder what they'll do now that we can lay claim on Obama, too. I think his birthday is in early August, though. Have a good day and remember: "with malice toward none".

Q: Who is your favorite president?

Meeting with a Prof.

I had a meeting today with a professor. Ostensibly, it was to discuss a topic choice for the seminar paper. And we talked about that. She talked me down from a paper about DFW-area women's response to WWII. It's a little sad because that is kind of an interesting subject. I mean, you have the WAACs and WAVEs and WASPs and the Rosie the Riveter type women and the Red Cross nurses and, my personal favorite, the patriotutes. But, it really doesn't have anything to do with my thesis topic and, well, why not use these classes to work on my thesis? I don't really have an answer to that...I hope it was rhetorical.

I told her that I always kind of kept the thesis stuff separate from my regular school work, but I didn't know why. Then, I made some sort of crack about how "inside my head was a dark and scary place" like I normally do....she disagreed with me. Said that she had seen my work and, therefore, believes that she knows a little something about what goes on inside my head.

She told me a story about turning down a scholarship when she was young--like 21--and just getting her bachelor's degree because she thought that she couldn't do it. And she wanted me to know that story because she wanted me to know that I have what it takes.

Wow. So, I have another professor that has faith in me. I hope like hell I don't disappoint her.

Then, the part where I proved my idiocy: I volunteered to lead discussion on the book we were supposed to read this week so that she could step out and attend a faculty meeting. Yea! Extra work! Woohoo!

P.S.--a short quiz: Does the fact that I find this hysterically, laugh-out-loud funny every time I hear it make me a 12 year old boy? One of my colleagues in the Help Center is TA-ing for two instructors this semester.....Hathcock and Ball.

Groundhog Day

When I was a kid, Groundhog Day meant that a stupid rodent would crawl out of its hole and tell us if we were going to have an early spring or more (six weeks more) winter.

Nowadays, it doesn't mean the same things to me. First of all, (A) I live in Texas. That means, if we have six more weeks of "winter" the way it was this last weekend....sign me up! Sunny and 70s. It doesn't get any better than that. Also, (2) there was that movie. You know the movie. Bill Murray and Andie McDowell. He's the curmudgeonly reporter for some cheesy morning program who has to go collect all those "human interest" stories that are just so much crap. He winds up in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania for the stupid rodent fest and is doomed to repeat his day until he gets it right and he and Andie McDowell hook up. Which started me thinking: what day in my life would I repeat in the hopes of changing the outcome and making things better?

The obvious answers jump right out at you:

• February 13, 1971 (the day my dad died)--but I was three and didn't really do anything that I could change that day.
• November 13, 1992 (the day my sister died)--again, didn't really make any glaring errors that day. I handled things pretty well. I kept my mom sane and managed to get us all notified and booked for flights. Hell, I think my part of the day was pretty smooth.
  
• December 12, 1988 (the day of the farm accident)--good call, if I had not leaned over that PTO shaft...And it would have been nice to not have gone through all that pain and not having all the scars would be a huge boost to my self-confidence. But, I'm going to have to say no on that one. Because so much of who I am today took shape from that experience. And, while the scars have made me very self-conscious, living through that has given me a pretty good measure of my strength. I know that I can handle any pain because I survived that...with my sense of humor intact.
• November 22, 1997 (something to do with Maria)--no. There was no one day that I screwed up with Maria. It was an every day thing. I was such an idiot. God, no wonder she hates me.
  

So, what would I change? Well, maybe I'd go back to the night that the comedian was flirting with me and I completely missed it. I wonder how many "takes" it would require for me to get my head out of my ass. Maybe, I'd figure out that M_ was an abusive alcoholic earlier and I wouldn't have the scar on my forehead. Maybe, I would blow off the Spanish homework. Or maybe, more likely, some moment that seemed completely normal changed everything.